Lesson 3: Definitely Drink Beer Before 6pm Final

Especially when you are certain your instructor wrote the exam drunk. The content is largely based on a powerpoint lecture she titled, and pronounced, "Griefing, Death, and Dying: How to deal with your patients' loses."

Here is an example of a question from the final exam in "Nurse/Client Therapeutic Interactions:"



"Your patient is delusional and is talking about his life as a locomotive driver. Which of the following shows therapeutic communication:

a) That must be an exciting career. How do you go about getting in to that profession?
b) Oh really? Would that be a coal or steam engine?
c) Sir, did you eat your breakfast? You're activing a little funny.
d) Mr. Patient, you were an accountant before you retired. Let me get your medication and we'll talk about this some more."




Not all of our classes are this pathetic. Three hours earlier, we were being tested on the symptoms of acute nephrosis, ruptured cerebral aneurysms, pancreatic cancer, peptic ulcers, and pulmonary edema, among other things. It wasn't my moment of glory, but I learned a lot and feel like I am closer to becoming a competent nurse.

But tonight I'm going to sit here and take lessons from the fat kid in Bad Santa: get a gorilla named Davey for Christmas that takes his orders from the talking walnut so it's not my bad thing.

And then tomorrow I'm going to study and finish this first semester just in time to get on my plane to Portland.